More one-line pitches

Patriot Gladiators: Puny Asian contestants are demolished by A1-grade Yank beefcake.

Weakest Link / Distraction (Patriot version): Contestants given secret password which they have to keep secret under Abu Gharaib / Japanese Endurance style torture (electric shock, sleep deprivation, held indefinitely without trial etc.)

Call My Bluff (New Labour version): Host reveals policy, soundbite, or embarassing contradiction. 3 New Labour MPs then explain it differently. Opposite team has to guess the truth (assuming they're not all bluffing).

Call My Bluff (American Foreign Policy / WMD version): Two competitors sit opposite each other with separate gunk tank above each. Each competitor can see the contents of the tank above his opponent, but not his own tank. The audience can see neither. The tanks are randomly filled with gunk of varying degrees of nastiness, or not filled at all. They can then bluff and threaten each other and try to persuade the audience as to how nasty their opponents gunk is. The audience vote as to which competitor is a danger to humanity. The other competitor then gets gunked, unless there was no gunk there, in which case the entire audience gets gunked.

Extreme I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here: A bus load of Z-list celebs / Big Brother contestants are left to fend for themselves in a region of the world still inhabited by hostile Stone Age tribesmen (eg. the Sentinel Islands, still unexplored because the Sentinelese have speared every foreigner that ever landed, or the Head-hunting cannibals of Papua New Guinea, or South Central L.A.). Bleeding edge surveillance technology allows us to watch their demise, or bet who gets it next etc.

Why Don't You (Anti-Global Protest Remix): Informative childrens show encouraging direct action against corporate plutocrats, corrupt government etc. Make-it-yourself section shows them how to make ersatz explosives, stun guns, etc. out of old egg cartons and Fairy liquid bottles.

University Challenge (Show me the funding version): Students funding & fees for uni (~10K - 60K) converted to £1 coins, which trickle away hourglass fashion as they take too long to answer piss-simple questions. Winner gets all the other students 'trickled' nuggets plus a Mickey Mouse degree from some US theology college and a guaranteed job in McDonalds.

Pets Win Prizes / Naked Chef / Animal Hospital / Tomorrows World: The unlucky pet which loses Pets Win Prizes gets turned into a sumptuous main course by Jamie "Fat Tongue" Oliver, after which Rolf Harris gets to attempt to save the animal by stitching it back together / cloning it / transplanting any missing bits etc.

All suggested by Terwoby.

Posted by monoman at 01:18 PM on July 16, 2004